The Story of an It, and a She.

Incredibly long overdue update. 

She and I are on speaking terms -or at least, she is with me. I can not stand her presently, as she has not only lied about what we did together, but also ‘outed’ me to a group of people that I did not come out to for a reason.

Namely: they have made it their mission to ‘purify [the town] of freaks and faggots’. 

She has literally put my health in danger by outing me like this. Don’t do it folks, it’s really, really bad.

Other then that, I was asked out as a girl by a boy. This was somewhat confusing, as I wasn’t sure if he was aware of the asexual and genderqueer aspects of, er, me. I outrightly told him about the asexuality, and he said he was fine with that, and that he might be too. 

I don’t think anything is going to happen, though, but will probably update more if something does. 

I’ve been dragged (well, maybe not so much dragged as taken) on holiday with my family. This tends to be slightly awkward, since my grandparents are very ‘old’ in their views.

Sexuality and gender are ‘straight’ or ignored, for example. While I don’t usually bring either up in ‘normal’ (if there is such a thing) conversation, when they make degrading remarks about ‘dykes’ because a woman has short hair and not a short skirt (then she’s a slut), it is hard not to comment, and as a result there have been a few arguments. 

I think that if one was to ‘come out’ to their family, the older, more stuck in their ways, members will be the hardest part. 

It looks (hoorah!) as though this blog is staying here. I will continue to put my experiences and thoughts down (perhaps more, since I don’t need to worry about She) concerning sexuality and gender. 

I am also hoping to ‘recruit’ another member to help me run/write SoaIaaS (catchy, isn’t it?). I only live in a very small town, and this means that I get limited reactions. I think that someone else’s views and opinions may improve this a lot.

If you think that you would like to help, don’t hesitate to ask questions or offer in the ask box. You don’t have to be online constantly, or update everyday (I think we might all know that I don’t), just be willing to contribute a little thought here and there, even if it is by submissions.  

Okay, minor update. On the bases that I can’t stand She anymore, we will most likely not be getting back together. Dear me, I feel like a hormone-riddled teenager. 

But alas. 

As for this blog, I am not entirely sure what I will do with it now. Possible turn it into something slightly different, but with the same basic themes? If you have an idea, please put it in my ask/submit. 

I’m being called a he (though I can’t tell if seriously or not) by the people I regularly come into contact to that are my age.

People are really starting to get asexuality! A very very good friend had a rather large rant at someone on my behalf, because they overheard me explain asexuality (in my eyes) to someone else, and commented ‘That’s so unnatural! How can you be like that? You broken or something?’ but with more swearing. 

She replied with something like: ‘Is it more unnatural to not like sex, or is it more unnatural to want to jam (potentially) disease ridden objects into your organs?’ -this makes more sense in context (the other having being talking very loudly and graphically about ‘drunken’ sexual exploits).

Not quite how I would have said it, but there you go. She understands -even if that doesn’t make her seem like she  does. She rants with me about some people’s ideas that asexuals can not have emotions, etc. 

It’s a bit awkward between She and I, I think. Maybe she sees it differently?

Well, there has been a rather large ‘thing’. Namely, I’ve really started to dislike She. Just things that she does (to the ridiculous point that her breathing annoys me) I find irritating.

We’ve ‘broken up’. Yes, I still care, but that amount of attention, I guess I couldn’t handle it. I feel much better now, though I sense that tomorrow will be awkward beyond imagining. 

I’m trying to figure out if I ever really did ‘Liked like’ her, or if I just was flattered. 

I am so sorry about the dead-ness of this page currently. Work and learning is so much to do!

Quick update (possible TMI)

She and I have talked a lot. We’re basically friends with benefits (Insert Sheldon GIF here. My reaction to the suggestion.) 

She is still with her boyfriend, but they don’t see each other often and I don’t think they’ve done much. I don’t like it.

She is still using my gender/sex definition as a defense for herself. ‘Not cheating ‘cause she’s a girl’ and ‘you’re a boy.’ Annoying, but better then from a lot of people.

I have been accepted as asexual and not-quite-a-girl by my group of friends. Brilliant news.

I have decided that while I don’t want/enjoy sex, I will have it. I am still asexual. I’m not sure about romantic orientation. Panromantic perhaps. Seems to fit the best.

She and I have gone further then just kissing. I’m not sure how comfortable I will be if I am to do… Er, things, to her, but she promises that we can stop if I don’t want to do something.

We still see each other everyday, which won’t change, and it’s (I think) no more awkward. 

thegirlthatsdrivingmemad:

Every single hour of the day. I’d rather miss a whole nights sleep then know I could have helped someone to stay alive. I love you all so much, so please know I’m here.

You guys know that I’m here for you, right? I really hope so. You don’t need to tell me your name. But I am here for you. I know how hard it can be. Please. It doesn’t even matter if you’re a teenager or not. If you’re going to die, what’s the harm in one more chance? 

(Source: angelsandanch0rs, via therobotmafia)

Sorry for taking so long to do anything at all.

There’s a bit of a rocky patch between She and I. She is very… Not so much possessive, though that may come into it, but I think jealous. To the point where she is alienating friends. I’ve talked to her again, but she doesn’t seem to think that there is anything wrong. 

Also, she’s worried about being too ‘vanilla’ for me. It makes me laugh. 

But anyway. Not much has happened, really. I seem to be able to insult her without trying. She uses my gender identity against me -but doesn’t realise it. People are making fun of me for it, if in a very lighthearted way. 

sher-lock asked: Hii, I just wanted to say that I'm in a somewhat similar relationship! My romantic partner uses it pronouns and I prefer they but tend to go by female anyway and we're both ace and unfortunately separated by the Pacific Ocean. Anyway, it's really great to know we're not alone!

It’s She’s birthday thing on Saturday. Reminds me that she is actually almost a year older than me. Kinda scary that everyone is getting so much older. 

But anyway. Not much has happened, except for that She ‘teases’ me during times when we are together. The only problem being that it actually isn’t that great. I can’t bring myself to say ‘actually, She, that really does nothing for me…’ because she enjoys the idea so much. 

For her birthday, I am staying over in a sleepover (?) afterwards, and apparently we will be ‘home alone’ for a few hours.

… Yes, I am nervous about this, but I don’t think it will really be a problem. Especially since I seem to be getting ill.

Another thing is that she either really understands my gender, or doesn’t get it at all. She refers to me as female, but also as if I have, shall we say, male ‘parts’. 

It worries me that if we do actually go further than kissing, she’s going to be disappointed. I have no idea what I’m doing, after all. 

Another update sometime in the next few days, I think, but I am ill, tired, and my English is started to fall apart. Thank you to new followers, and see you all soon. 

I think that She has an eating disorder. 

She says that she feels guilty if she eats anything over a certain amount of calories, or something sugary or greasy. She throws up everyday, which she tries to blame on her illness, but she admits that it started before then.

She’s talked to a mutual friend of ours, K, who has told me that She wants to be skinnier so that I will like her. While I immensely dislike that She is blaming this on me, because I have told her that I love her (even if it’s not in the same way), so she should know that I do like her. I find it irritating, to be honest. 

I’ve get her to make a doctors appointment, which I will go with her to, to make sure that she actually tells them the problem. She invited me to one of her therapy sessions, and while I do want to go, me being there will probably limit what she will say.

Hello again. There have been a lot of things happening, so I’m going to post in order of which they occurred.

She came over, and we pretty much ‘made out’ for a few hours. To be honest, I do not understand why she likes it. It feels the same to me as any other skin-on-skin contact.  I have nothing against kissing or whatever (excepting when she tries to bring in my genitals, then I have to ask her to stop.) but I don’t feel the need to do that. 

She did get a bit upset with me because I didn’t want to take off my shirt, or go further then kissing, which makes me wonder what she thinks I mean when I say ‘I don’t want to.’

I am worried that she will go beyond my boundaries, because she doesn’t see the harm in it. She’s plenty strong enough to do what she wants to a twig like me.  But I doubt that she would, if I really was showing that I didn’t like it. 

Maybe TMI under the cut. (feelings or lack thereof about sexual contact)

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I’m really sorry about the lack of activity in the last few days. I just got a new job and She has been getting steadily more ill. I’ll do a few updates later today and tomorrow with what’s been happening! 

Anonymous asked: BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you have been given this award, you are supposed to paste it in the ask of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it’s always sweet to know that someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out <3

Aw! Thank you, Kind Anon.